Oh Seattle, we don't blame you for this restaurant, and we don't even really blame them. It's not their fault that they suck. Wait a minute, it IS their fault that they suck, and they do, hard. But please don't feel sorry for them, they've brought it on themselves. They make claims that they can't live up to and they compensate for very sub-standard products with very poor techniques, even shameful, dare I say embarrassing. These 2 points I'll explain in detail, shortly.
The scene of the crime, Veraci Pizza, Seattle. I'll not bother with the address, etc... Please just log the name and if you ever have the chance or her the name uttered, just skip it.
At first glance I thought it was going to be killer. I saw an episode of "The Best Thing I Ever Ate" on the Food Channel showcasing this place, so when the trip to Seattle was in the planning stages, I added it to the list.
Walking through the door you are presented with a fantastic open kitchen of which the centerpiece is a beautiful wood oven.
And then, to my horror, I see the left of the oven, some kid, the one responsible for preparing the dough for the other people that applied the toppings, and then there was yet another who placed the pie in and removed from the oven. Kinda stupid assembly line thing, but that's not where my problem lies.
The fucken kid has a rolling pin and is rolling out the dough!!!!!
WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?
For those of you who may not realized how hugely lame this is, I'll explain. The reason he is using a rolling pin is to get the dough thin, duh. However, the problem is the dough, IT"S THE WRONG TYPE OF DOUGH FOR THIS TYPE OF PIZZA!!!!!!! Thin crusted pizza is obtained by having a very loose, pliable, dough. One that stretches easily, using only your hands. If you have to use a rolling pin then your dough is shit, or wrong for the application. It's like using a bread dough recipe or something and trying to make a pizza out of it. And the end result may "look" like a pizza, but god damn that shit aint gonna taste right, and it didn't.
Still ranting on the crust here, please look at the photos just below. Looks like a thin cracker crust right? This style would be typical Roman style, fyi. BUT IT WASN"T!!! It was doughy like they smashed a loaf of Wonder Bread and put some sauce on it! Ughhhhhh!!!!!!! And then, then, then, the kid, after he has destroyed any sort of leavening from the yeast in the dough, assuming they used any, but I'm not sure of anything after this place, the kid takes a cutter and makes the dough round.....WTF?!?!?!?!? Are you kidding me? Not sure what the cut off pieces were used for cause I had to stop watching and just walk away. Stupid assholes.
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Rolling pin, cutting the edge to make it round (stupid) made the pizza dough taste like a pita bread. Really, like it had a pocket even, now I'm getting all pissed off again. Man, I really hate this place, and I'm still only on the first stupid thing, second one is coming.
And if you are wondering, yes, we ate the pie, most of it. And I gotta say that the peperoni was good, I liked it, and the beer was a local amber ale and was delicious.
OK, the second major error by this place, the first being shitty dough driving them to use a rolling pin, dumb asses. Was that they claim that their pizza is Neapolitan.
Again, this issue may not resonate with some or even most of you. However, to educate, or entertain, or to offend, whatever, Neapolitan is not simply having a wood oven and making a thin pizza. Neapolitan is using very specific ingredients, combined in specific proportions, allowed to rise naturally (no refrigeration) and then cooked in a specific way. This place couldn't be farther from Neapolitan if it had a fucken Dominoe's sign over the front door. The only true, true neapolitan pizza in the USA is Una Pizza Napolitana, now in San Francisco, previously in NYC. I have been to both locations ad it's mind blowing. There are no toping options, a set 5 pizzas which are all very similar. In the Neapolitan world there is no hawaiian pizza, no artichoke hearts, none of that stuff. Stuff, by the way, which I love on a pizza. But if you give yourself a label, or make a claim, have your shit together and back it up, other wise just claim that you make pizzas. Artisan is a good word to use as well, or craft, then I don't have to choke you out for being sofaking stupid. Don't be stupid.
DVA
Looks good, tastes good, made by idiots.
This is what you get when people that like to eat open a restaurant and don't know what they are doing.
Hey Veraci! Back to your couch! Stay out of the kitchen!
I appreciate your passion for pies of the neopolitan variety, but I think you are incorrect that Una Pizza Napoletana is the only true neopolitan pizza in the U.S. Had I known that you were such a connoisseur, I would have pushed harder for you to visit Punch Pizza when you were in Minneapolis. Peruse their website www.punchpizza.com/about/ and let me know your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteListen Some Young Guy..... The point of the post was that Veraci Pizza sucks. And actually it was more of a rant than a post. I appreciate your thoughtful response at such a late hour, and Punch Pizza looks wonderful, I'll certainly add them to my list of places to try. However, just to clarify a bit, my post, and specifically the UPN claim was intended to be provocative and emotionally charged, and in that vein I rate this post a success.
ReplyDeleteLet's grab a slice and chat more......?
DVA